The one where I post after having not for 4 years.
I’d say it’s been awhile, but you can’t rush awesome and that’s what you’re here for.
I feel like 4 years is adequate time for you to ponder me and what I’ve been doing.
I’ve been raising an awesome girl. She’s awesome because SHE CAME FROM MY LOINS.
I’ve been further cementing my marriage to my awesome wife of 12 years. She’s awesome because SHE MARRIED ME.
I recently broke up with Nvidia whom I’ve been dating for 2 years, but it wasn’t them, it was me. I told Nvidia we can still be friends, though.
You see Nvidia, I met someone else. This new company is young, firm, somewhat promiscuous and still very flexible.
Plus the company name references booze and that’s all I really need.
More important than the company is the man behind the company, though and I feel like I need to answer some questions about the man… the myth… the legend.
Brandon Kelly
It has occurred to me that some of you may not know Brandon Kelly. That is unfortunately and is something I am about to change.
Some of you may already know Brandon Kelly.
Some of you may Biblically know Brandon Kelly and you should consider yourselves blessed.
You may be wondering what it’s like to work with such a superstar. A man who has the midas touch and knows where and when to use it. A woman’s man and a man’s best friend.
Let me assure you he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. Except when his pants are on, he makes golden software.
Let me tell you some facts I’ve learned about Brandon.
- Brandon is immutable. If something is going to change, it’s the rest of the universe.
- Brandon’s code does not have performance bottlenecks. He simply makes the universe wait it’s turn.
- When Brandon’s code fails to compile, the COMPILER apologises.
- Q: Can Brandon ask a question that even Brandon can’t answer? A: Yes. And he can answer it, too.
- Whenever Brandon pushes a value onto a stack, it stays pushed.
- When invoking one of Brandon’s callbacks, the runtime always adds “please”.
- Brandon does not need and has never used a debugger. He simply stares down the bug until the code confesses.
- Brandon doesn’t use web standards. The web conforms to him.
- Fun fact, go to google and search for in “handsome genius”. Google says, “Did you mean Brandon Kelly”?
- Brandon CAN believe it’s not butter.
- Brandon once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now called the Islands.
- Brandon made the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs.
- Brandon knows the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow.
- I once saw Brandon get into a fight with Chuck Norris. Or course Chuck Norris won, but Brandon took several round house kicks to the face, smiled and said “Thank you, sir.” before he went down.
There is only one thing that can happen when you pair the combined awesomeness of a Brandon and Brad team. It’s like crossing the streams.
